my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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