My hair reeks of homosexuality.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
