The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
