Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
