CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
