I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
