I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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