Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
