we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
