Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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