Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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