I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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