Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
