I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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