how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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