he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Drake has all the answers
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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