I CAN MOONWALK!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
