Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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