this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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