My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
