Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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