Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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