I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
