My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
