how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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