did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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