just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
