i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
