Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
