Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
