so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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