I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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