what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
