Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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