Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
