i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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