Say something about gay babies.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
