We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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