Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize