8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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