There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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