It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
