i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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