good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
