i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
