ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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