12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
