R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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