Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
