That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
