I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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