I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she told me i tasted like america
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
