A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
wakey wakey hands off snakey
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
