We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
even my farts smell like vagina
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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