our cab driver is having phone sex.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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