you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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