When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He shit in the fireplace
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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