I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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