my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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