I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
