I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
