I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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