Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
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I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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